Friday, December 31, 2010

Another year behind us

And so comes the end of yet another year. As has somehow become tradition, everyone is probably thinking of their new years resolutions. To me, it seems that the years are to short to accomplish everything, especially when you spend the majority of the holiday season sick. And so it seems that I never can accomplish the goals that I set for myself.
It's odd to think about, we celebrate a new year that is coming, but never seem to look back at how short life has been. I remember the start of this year, I remember setting goals for myself. It's odd to look back. Life is like a hill, it seems a lot smaller looking down. Baring some unforeseen act of God, I still have most of my life ahead of me, but even to look back at what's gone by, it all seems so short.
As I am writing this, it is five minutes to the new year, so if you will excuse me, I am off to ponder the past year, set an unreachable goal to see how close I can get, and sleep, but not necessarily in the order, and most certainly not at the same time.

Now lets see, what do I want to accomplish this year?

"I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside the memories, the promises, our yesterdays, and I belong to you"
     - Red, "Never Be The Same"

Thursday, December 16, 2010

One Way

It seems like everything we have, we have a one way version. One way roads, one way mirrors, and a good amount of other things. But there is one thing that it's never good to have, one way friendships. You feel like your putting so much time and effort in, but, you never see the fruits of your labor. But sometimes you have to realize, sometimes the sweetest rewards are the ones you can't see, sometimes you just have to trust that the good deeds you do will come back around in the long run.

I have a friend. She listened when I was going through rough times in my life. She was always there, she's the reason I'm here writing this. But she often felt like she was getting nowhere, like she was getting nothing back, like she was in a one way friendship. When she told me that, I hated everything about what I had done. How could I be so stupid? How could I just sit back and not care about the needs of the person responsible for pulling me out of my own personal hell? How could she eveer forgive what I had done?

Reconciliation is a hard thing to come by.

I owe her everything, I would do anything for her. My only prayer is that she will understand this, and know that whenever she needs something, I will be there for her. I know she may never forgive what I've done. I remember a similar relationship I was in, and I still have trouble moving on. After all, I gave up a lot for that person, shouldn't I get something back?

It's been my experience that God makes everything happen for a reason. Perhaps this former relationship of mine happened so that I could know what I was putting her through? I may never know exactly why. I only know that I will do anything for my friends, and she redefined what friend is.

a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Someone who takes the time to listen and try to understand. A person who will pound on stone walls with their fists tbreaking you out from the prison you have built around yourself, and who rejoices at sight of your every smile.

Thank you, I will always be there when you need me, because you were there when my nights were dark.

"The night is always darkest right before the dawn" -The Dark Knight

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Ah, Christmas

Well, it's currently 10 days until every small child's favorite holiday, Christmas. A time for getting all the things you've been wanting all year. But as we get older, we all come to a realization, Christmas isn't about getting things, it's about giving, and being with family. However, sometimes it seems like we take that to an extreme, which makes us ask ourselves, is it possible to give to much? Well, no, but you can still go overboard. But that's a line you draw, not me. When it comes to buying gifts, you have several types of people, the ones who go over board, the ones who have no idea what to buy for people (that category gets divided up even more), and the people that manage to find the perfect balance. Me, I'm usually the one who doesn't know what to get people.

One thing I don't really like about this season is what people turn it into. People seem to turn it into a season of buying expensive gifts for the person their dating, or at least that's what the people I choose to spend my time with do. Now, I'm not saying that anything is wrong with that, but it can get somewhat repetitive. And then you have the people who don't seem to fit in well, who buys them a gift? Last time i checked, no one did. What makes them different? Don't they deserve someone to love them too? I was talking to my friend Austin a few days ago, while we were talking, he brought up some interesting points. Christmas is supposed to be full of joy and hope and mistletoe, but for some, it can be a very depressing time of year. But is seems that all of some peoples dreams about Christmas just get crushed, and then they spend the season wishing that someone would just acknowledge their existence. Where I live, December is a big deal in High Schools, the reason, dances, every school has their Christmas dance, which tends to set the mood for the season. But what about the people who don't go? What about the people who no one asked, so they spent all week enduring the Facebook statuses, pictures, and relationship updates? Does no one care about them? For some of those people, December is not a nice month. What about the people who only get to see one parent on Christmas? Does any love them? If it truly is the season for happiness cheer and love where is it? Where is this Joy? This Love? And where is the Happiness? These thoughts go through the head of a lot of people this month. Does no one love them? Does no one care enough about them to tell them "Merry Christmas?"

I'm not trying to sound like an authority on this subject, but I've been around the block a few times. Maybe there aren't a ton of people that feel this way, but there are some.

So let me ask you this; Why don't they deserve the same treatment you give everyone else? If you were in there position, wouldn't you want someone to love you?

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12, NIV)